Struggles in life

I just wanted to take a moment since I do so so little to write about the struggles that people have in life. It seems that for some more than others, people have more struggles than the next guy. For example, we sit and we see all these people around us who seem to be doing well in life and we sit here wondering when we will catch a break. Rob works hard to provide for us and some weeks we hardly see him just to scrape by by the seat of our pants. We see other people work half the hours and are able to buy all the things they need but more of the luxories they want. Seriously, we are not sure how to fix this yet, but one thing that we have that others don't, is a committed family environment. It seems like these other people, though married and what not, still lead the lives of single people just with someone to come home to at night. Do we envy their ability to travel at a moments notice, sometimes. Do we envy them not having to show responsibility once in a while, sure. But do we envy them not having a warm hug and a sloppy wet kiss from a little person who is always wanting love? Absolutely not. We wouldn't trade that for the world. It almost makes all these struggles and hard times feel worth it when we turn around after a bad day and that little voice says, "Night night!" And there is not a greater feeling than a mis-pronounced I love you coming from that little voice too. And the fact that we are blessed with another one on the way just adds to the joy that we feel. Will we struggle a little harder, sure we will. Will we let it get us down, no way. Because when our family is complete, it will all seem worth it in the end. And knowing that every stretch mark and gray hair that we may find on oursleves were earned and not just there. Family is what makes the world go 'round and if you are not privaledged to have such an incredible blessing, then I feel sorry for you. If you feel sorry for me because I can't have the freedom to do as I please, then you are disillusioned in your thoughts. I have all the freedom that I chose to have. I asked for this life. I wanted this life. I feel so blessed that I was chosen to be a mother to my 2 beautiful children. Ashleigh and JR are the light of my life. I may not be able to be a full time mother to one of them, but she is still something that I am proud to say that I accomplished. She gave me an experience that only she could have. Each of my babies gave me their own individual experience as they are individuals themselves. So when I think of these struggles that we seem to have, I think of my babies and it seems to make it all worth while.

Now in April.

Happy Spring to all who actually come in and read these things. I know I am probably the worlds worst person to keep up with these things. But here I am, determined to update this and hopefully keep it more updated than I have in the past.

So what's new you ask?? Well, Rob's business is thriving and he is doing well in looking to build some new and high class contracts. Things are really looking up in that department and he is looking into some fair good business. He is also going to be solely on his own for a while to build up on his clientelle so he will be away from home a lot. Not like that is any different from now, but with it just being himself, we are going to most likely see him less due to longer and more hours being put in. Which in the end, I know will be worth it. With just a little patience and understanding on my part, this may work out better than we think. But I have to exercise more support than I typically do on a regular basis. (Which is something that is going to take practice as I am not that good at it.)

JR is going to be 3 in less than a month which is really hard to believe. He is growing and thriving well, but as anyone who knows us can say that his speech is a little disabled. I have FINALLY gotten him in to see a pediatrician at the Stollery Pediatrics Clinic, which take people who are having difficulties finding a pediatrician without referalls in extreme circumstances. Which our case is considered priority due to the lack of speech development and his behaviorial issues. We will be seeing someone on May 7th and I am very anxious for that time to come, because maybe, just maybe, we will be able to figure out what kind of thing we are looking at and possibly in for. I am slightly nervous, I won't deny it, because I can't help but think that maybe there is something truely wrong and hopefully it can't be traced back to us. But I think that that is one of every parents worst nightmares. But other than that, he is growing well and seems incredibly smart in a lot of ways. Just fails to want to do the things that other kids his age are way beyond. Such as potty training is impossible almost and he seems to have absolutly no drive to get out of his diapers. Which is frustrating to Rob and I. But we are sure putting in the effort.

As for myself, well I am trying to loose weight, which in the first few weeks were very succesful. Then after that, it seemed to halt altogether. Which is so difficult for me to accept as I am exercising almost daily and tossing up my schedule and what I am doing. I have cut my calorie intake almost in half, cut some things nearly compltely out of my diet and still seem to have no success. I am unsure as to why, but I am going to be talking with my doctor very soon to find out what can possibly be hindering my progress. Other than that, just my daily grind and routine around the house is all that I am doing these days.

So for now that is all that is going on in the Souster household and we are really just trying to enjoy life and get away as much as we can, which does not seem as often as it should. What we wouldn't give for a night off from JR without having to worry about getting home to the babysitter. We just would like a break sometime and it seems we just never have any time at all for ourselves or together. But we are making the best of it. But that's it for now!! Take care all!!

Well, here we are, it has been forever since I last blogged. I am so very not good at this. Rob and I have been through a lot in the last near year. Rob has his own company now as most of you all know. We also were expecting in July, but we lost our little guy on January5, 2008. Not so fun. So hopefully I will get back on the role with this, but for now, just a post for Jay.


For Jay

She felt his presence.
She could tell he was there.
But far too soon, he decided it was time.
He never took a breath.
She carefully wrapped his tiny body,
Called a prayer to God.
Please take him into your arms and care as I would have.
Love him as my love for him still exists.
I only got to love him for a moment,
You now get a lifetime beyond forever.
You know best and I honour your will,
But don’t let him forget about me,
His mom.
Tell him that he was wanted and loved.
Help him watch over me when I am in need of an extra hug.
Keep him close, don’t let him stray far.
And never forget most of all,
I love you.
And with that,
She closed the rag that was to take him to his final rest.
She kissed him and said farewell.
Until we meet again my dear son.
Have a safe journey back home.
Fly free my dear angel.
Fly free.

Written for Jay Souster.....Passed quietly at 7 PM Saturday, January 5, 2008