Here are some pics. The top of course is our little one, the middle is my most recent pic, although I look far more pregnant in that shirt than I really am. It was done about 15 weeks and 5 days. And the botoom pic is at 13 weeks and 4 days. I will be back to write more later.

The newest Souster

So yesterday I had the priviledge of going for an ultrasound. Jellybean was just as active as ever. It looked as if "he" was dancing and playing up a storm. I am pretty sure that he even stuck his toes in his mouth once. It was the best thing ever and I had a permanent grin on my face for the rest of the day. How could I not seeing how happy he looked? The tech said he was at least good for her when she was measuring him and he seemed to know when she needed to measure certain things, because he tended to turn at the right times in the right positions. But at this point, we are so far so good. He looked perfect. Good strong heartbeat and all his organs looked good and formed. We have another routine ultrasound on March 13th and the will tell us whether or not we for sure are having another boy. But from what the tech and I saw, we are fairly certain that it looks like another little boy in there. But it is just our guess. Looked like a pretty educated one though. And when I went to pick JR up from school I took the picture with me to show his teacher Michelle cause she has been on needles this whole pregnancy for us. So I brought the picture out and showed JR, and he just yelled out with excitment..."Jr's baby!!" He seems really to be getting excited. I can't wait to take him to the next ultrasound so that he can see for himself this little Jellybean. I am wondering what he will think of it. I can't wait to find out. But that is the update for now.

On to a New Year!

Hello everyone!! Welcome to 2009. The holidays have been a very busy time for us. We spent the majority of our holiday down in Yuma with Rob's parents. That was most certainly an experience and a half. We flew in to Vegas and then drove for 4 hours and almost got lost before we ended up getting to their place. Yuma is a very spread out city that is smaller than it should be because it is so spread apart. But what scenery. There was oddly shaped cacti everywhere in shapes and sizes that I had never before seen. We came to find out that all of these other things that we thought were just really weird bushes were really cacti. We were very surprised. Rob and JR enjoyed some time in the Jeep with Grandpa going out in the desert. That was a fun experience for JR. When they returned JR came in with a pocket full of 22 shells that he had searched and hunted diligently for. He was so very proud. It was a lot of fun for him and his dad to have that bonding time with Grandpa. I was just kinda enjoying the time to relax and actually take a nap as that is something that I have not had the joy of doing too often with this pregnancy. You could definitely tell though when JR was starting to get bored because he would go out and get into a little bit of trouble. Louise and I were in the house watching some TV and getting some things ready for dinner I think one day and JR was outside playing with Reno (their Chocolate Lab) or so we thought. When we finished doing what we had needed to do we went out to their Arizona Room (which is like a sheltered sun room) and her cigarette pack was on the ground empty and squished. Well that really got our curiosity going so Louise was asking JR where her cigarettes were and I went outside into the yard to see if I could find the evidence. Sure enough, there in an ashtray on the ground were all of her cigarettes, broken and placed neatly in the ashtray. It took everything in my power to not laugh myself to death because Louise certainly didn't find it all that funny. When Rob came home I told him what JR had done and he burst into a fit of laughter. We found it incredibly funny how he knew to put them there. Now Louise has learnt to put her things up higher when little fingers can't get them. (Although none of us would have imagined JR would do that..LOL) On the 28th we drove back to Vegas and along the way we wanted to try and get to see the Hoover Dam. What a great idea we thought. Until it took us an hour to get 8 miles. We got about a quarter of a mile from the dam when we noticed that the lineup of cars on the other side of the dam was just as long as the one on our side. We knew we couldn't risk missing our flight so we turned around and went back to the highway. Drove into Vegas and wanted to take a jaunt down the Strip to get to the rental car center. That in turn took us nearly an hour and thankfully we didn't have to clear customs otherwise we would likely have been in a little trouble.

Flying in to Salt Lake was a good flight and JR did very well on that one. He was so excited to see Grandma Smith that he actually ran right to her and hugged her. That truly surprised us all!! He very rarely does that for anyone so we are not entirely positive if it was just a fluke or not. It was nice to see either way. So we had a jam packed two days to spend with my mom and dad. We saw Jason and Tracey and Lizzy on Monday and spent the whole day with them. We went to the mall in Layton and I bought some pants and Rob went with my dad to buy a wireless router so we could have more contact without being strapped down to the computer. We had a great time in the short time we had with them.

Now that brings us to now. It is the second of January and I have made it my goal this year to not make any resolutions as they always fail anyhow. Instead I have made small goals. I figure those are easier to keep. I am going to continue to eat healthier so that this baby has the best start at life that it can. I am going to continue to be active so that when the time comes to loose the weight, I may have an easier time doing so. Last year was a tough year for Rob and I personally so I want to continue making my life and my time with him as valued as possible. Take time to enjoy the finer things in life and appreciate what has been given to me. I am so grateful for my family, my friends and anyone who means anything to me and I am going to strive to let them know more often.

I wish you a very safe, happy and prosperous 2009 and I hope that we all can have more time together this year!!

Struggles in life

I just wanted to take a moment since I do so so little to write about the struggles that people have in life. It seems that for some more than others, people have more struggles than the next guy. For example, we sit and we see all these people around us who seem to be doing well in life and we sit here wondering when we will catch a break. Rob works hard to provide for us and some weeks we hardly see him just to scrape by by the seat of our pants. We see other people work half the hours and are able to buy all the things they need but more of the luxories they want. Seriously, we are not sure how to fix this yet, but one thing that we have that others don't, is a committed family environment. It seems like these other people, though married and what not, still lead the lives of single people just with someone to come home to at night. Do we envy their ability to travel at a moments notice, sometimes. Do we envy them not having to show responsibility once in a while, sure. But do we envy them not having a warm hug and a sloppy wet kiss from a little person who is always wanting love? Absolutely not. We wouldn't trade that for the world. It almost makes all these struggles and hard times feel worth it when we turn around after a bad day and that little voice says, "Night night!" And there is not a greater feeling than a mis-pronounced I love you coming from that little voice too. And the fact that we are blessed with another one on the way just adds to the joy that we feel. Will we struggle a little harder, sure we will. Will we let it get us down, no way. Because when our family is complete, it will all seem worth it in the end. And knowing that every stretch mark and gray hair that we may find on oursleves were earned and not just there. Family is what makes the world go 'round and if you are not privaledged to have such an incredible blessing, then I feel sorry for you. If you feel sorry for me because I can't have the freedom to do as I please, then you are disillusioned in your thoughts. I have all the freedom that I chose to have. I asked for this life. I wanted this life. I feel so blessed that I was chosen to be a mother to my 2 beautiful children. Ashleigh and JR are the light of my life. I may not be able to be a full time mother to one of them, but she is still something that I am proud to say that I accomplished. She gave me an experience that only she could have. Each of my babies gave me their own individual experience as they are individuals themselves. So when I think of these struggles that we seem to have, I think of my babies and it seems to make it all worth while.

Now in April.

Happy Spring to all who actually come in and read these things. I know I am probably the worlds worst person to keep up with these things. But here I am, determined to update this and hopefully keep it more updated than I have in the past.

So what's new you ask?? Well, Rob's business is thriving and he is doing well in looking to build some new and high class contracts. Things are really looking up in that department and he is looking into some fair good business. He is also going to be solely on his own for a while to build up on his clientelle so he will be away from home a lot. Not like that is any different from now, but with it just being himself, we are going to most likely see him less due to longer and more hours being put in. Which in the end, I know will be worth it. With just a little patience and understanding on my part, this may work out better than we think. But I have to exercise more support than I typically do on a regular basis. (Which is something that is going to take practice as I am not that good at it.)

JR is going to be 3 in less than a month which is really hard to believe. He is growing and thriving well, but as anyone who knows us can say that his speech is a little disabled. I have FINALLY gotten him in to see a pediatrician at the Stollery Pediatrics Clinic, which take people who are having difficulties finding a pediatrician without referalls in extreme circumstances. Which our case is considered priority due to the lack of speech development and his behaviorial issues. We will be seeing someone on May 7th and I am very anxious for that time to come, because maybe, just maybe, we will be able to figure out what kind of thing we are looking at and possibly in for. I am slightly nervous, I won't deny it, because I can't help but think that maybe there is something truely wrong and hopefully it can't be traced back to us. But I think that that is one of every parents worst nightmares. But other than that, he is growing well and seems incredibly smart in a lot of ways. Just fails to want to do the things that other kids his age are way beyond. Such as potty training is impossible almost and he seems to have absolutly no drive to get out of his diapers. Which is frustrating to Rob and I. But we are sure putting in the effort.

As for myself, well I am trying to loose weight, which in the first few weeks were very succesful. Then after that, it seemed to halt altogether. Which is so difficult for me to accept as I am exercising almost daily and tossing up my schedule and what I am doing. I have cut my calorie intake almost in half, cut some things nearly compltely out of my diet and still seem to have no success. I am unsure as to why, but I am going to be talking with my doctor very soon to find out what can possibly be hindering my progress. Other than that, just my daily grind and routine around the house is all that I am doing these days.

So for now that is all that is going on in the Souster household and we are really just trying to enjoy life and get away as much as we can, which does not seem as often as it should. What we wouldn't give for a night off from JR without having to worry about getting home to the babysitter. We just would like a break sometime and it seems we just never have any time at all for ourselves or together. But we are making the best of it. But that's it for now!! Take care all!!

Well, here we are, it has been forever since I last blogged. I am so very not good at this. Rob and I have been through a lot in the last near year. Rob has his own company now as most of you all know. We also were expecting in July, but we lost our little guy on January5, 2008. Not so fun. So hopefully I will get back on the role with this, but for now, just a post for Jay.


For Jay

She felt his presence.
She could tell he was there.
But far too soon, he decided it was time.
He never took a breath.
She carefully wrapped his tiny body,
Called a prayer to God.
Please take him into your arms and care as I would have.
Love him as my love for him still exists.
I only got to love him for a moment,
You now get a lifetime beyond forever.
You know best and I honour your will,
But don’t let him forget about me,
His mom.
Tell him that he was wanted and loved.
Help him watch over me when I am in need of an extra hug.
Keep him close, don’t let him stray far.
And never forget most of all,
I love you.
And with that,
She closed the rag that was to take him to his final rest.
She kissed him and said farewell.
Until we meet again my dear son.
Have a safe journey back home.
Fly free my dear angel.
Fly free.

Written for Jay Souster.....Passed quietly at 7 PM Saturday, January 5, 2008

Week

Well this week has been very eventful. Not so great on some measures, but Rob will be happier in the long run. Rob officially left the company on Friday and it was a long evening none to say the least. But you know what? We have been discussing this happening for quite some time now. Rob has other ventures that he wants to pursure and I do believe that he will be happier without all those people undermining him. Now he can support our family the way that he knows he can without having to worry about the pay cheques. And there is a perk in it for me to, I may be able to go back to school now.

But enough about that, I thought I would post a few pictures of our day in the park. JR loves to play in the park. He goes up to the biggest slide on the playground and goes down it all by himself. He is amazing at how independant he is. And no fear either.

He is growing up so much. And just loves to do things that little boys do. Rob and I are so proud of him. He is so smart and knows pretty well what he wants to do when he wants to do it. And of course being 2 he has no clue about limits, the word no, and JR, don't.. LOL. And the tantrums are getting bad. We have officially entered into the "Terrible Twos!!!" And it is horrible. I am just trying to ignore him when he starts having his fits. It seems to get them to subside a whole lot more easily. And he also had his first run in with a wasp. This morning he decided to try and see what would happen if he played with the little yellow and black bug that crawled and flew. Got stung on his pointer finger. It was heart breaking to hear the cries that came out of him. It hurt a lot. And he did not like it one bit. I am just grateful that he did not inherit my alergy. He is alergic to the point of all around the area he swells a lot. But we have no breathing issues. Which I am so relieved that we don't have to worry about him going into shock. I know what it feels like for me and it is aweful the feeling. So no need to rush him in. A little After Bite and he was good as new. (That a a few lovins from Daddy helped a lot too.) But that is about all the news we have for now. Hope everyone is well and healthy. We love you. Take care everyone.